It's been a while since I last wrote anything. I think I became a little too obsessed with perfection in my writing. I felt like everything I produced needed to be publishable. But you know what? I just like writing and am going to write for the fun of it... Which brings me to my next point: I'm training for an ultra marathon. Stating that publicly scares the absolute living shit out of me. Hell, even stating it to myself is scary. Because here's the reality of the situation: I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL BE ABLE TO COMPLETE THE RACE. And that is the downright truth. I've read a lot from ultra runners who say you need complete confidence that you can complete an ultra in order to do it, but you know what? I don't work like that. I'm a human being with doubts and fears just like everybody else. And in fact it's often these doubts and fears that keep me grounded and allow me to achieve big goals. When I put too much rigidity on those goals, such as the idea that I "Have to be 100% confident I can finish", it puts so much pressure on me that doing what I love begins to feel like a job. And if it feels like a job, why the hell am I doing it in the first place? And when it feels like a job, I can only get through it with will power, and will power is very finite my friends. The thing that gets me through most of the long training runs is inspiration, love, beauty, sadness, loneliness, fear, hope, and mindfulness. I know when I run with my whole heart that I can run forever. When I feel like I am a part of the earth, I feel like I can run forever. When I feel like I am running because I have to run, I can run for about 10 minutes and then I want to go eat some ice cream. Is it always great? NO! Sometimes running sucks. But there are times when I see things that are so beautiful they fill my entire heart up with gratitude, and all I can do is explode with tears because I am so damn lucky to be there in that moment.
So as I continue on this journey towards running an ultra. (Specifically this one on February 6 in the mountains of Malibu, CA http://sob5050.com/) I'm going to write about it and share my thoughts and any insights I have along the way. After all I love writing and I love running and I love adventure. So why not mix all of them up and put them out into the world for other people to learn from, get inspired, and just plain enjoy! So...enjoy!